​HOW TO SAY THE BITTER TRUTH IN RELATIONSHIPS

I like to talk. I mean, who doesn’t? And I like to say my mind. Again, who doesn’t? But I like to say my mind, the way it is, without any editing or proofreading. That’s why I don’t like to have too many friends. That way, for me, it’s easier to say what you want the way it is, when you have no invested feelings whatsoever. It’s like flirting with a random stranger on the street, criticizing an eatery’s food or insulting the government. You don’t really know these people so it doesn’t really matter how they feel. Fantastic right? Heck, yeah. It’s downright great.

But this feeling immediately dissolves when it comes to friends and partners in romantic relationships. No o, you cannot just say your mind. You have to edit and proofread, dot your ‘i’s and cross your ‘t’s if you want to make heaven and not be seen as ‘inconsiderate’ and ‘not caring about their feelings’. For me, in a way, that can be frustrating. To say the good things, is not the challenge. Heck, I can say “I like your shoes” to someone I just met or “nice ass” to some random guy so of course, I can say the good things to a friend, boyfriend or girlfriend.

This is the challenge: saying the big bad things to the person you care about in a considerate way, without hurting the person’s feelings, and still communicating your message. I read a post online once where the lady was expressing her confusion on how to tell her boyfriend that he had mouth odour and I currently know of someone who doesn’t know how to tell her friend that she has body odour. These are just these types; there are also examples like how to tell your friend to stop being so fake, your girlfriend to stop cussing all the time, your boyfriend to stop dressing like he doesn’t have good clothes when he does, your girlfriend to change her underwears already, your friend to try to stop being so lazy and a million and one others I cannot quite compress into this article. The question is HOW?

It’s not going to be easy but when you bear in mind that it’s for the benefit of the person and you, since you’ve had to deal with it all along, you might feel better saying it. Also, your friend should also be appreciative of the fact that, out of all his or her friends, no one else had told him or her this, except you, which means that you care a whole lot more.

  • Begin with how much you don’t want to hurt their feelings but how important it is that they know what you want to say, then ask that they don’t interrupt you.
  • If they are the type that gets upset easily, ask for their promise to not interrupt or get angry till you’re done with what you want to say.
  • Say the problem in the simplest way possible that they get it immediately and proffer solutions. You can also write a note detailing the problem and possible solutions.
  • Buy some of the things they might need to solve the problem to show your willingness to help. You can also buy and while giving it to them, initiate this conversation.
  • Be as polite as possible and even if they get angry, be sure to remain calm and assure them that it’s all for their good.
  • Lastly, make it a personal mission to do your best to ensure that the problem is eradicated completely.

I hope that with these few points of mine, you can save your friendship or relationship and still get the problem solved.

This post first appeared on http://www.theboxshowafrica.com

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Confidence is Sexy!

Photo credit: Instagram @becauseitsmybody

Hello guys! It’s 2017 and I must confess, I’m all fired up with plans and goals to attain in this year. Now while I was making my list, on thing kept popping up in my head….weight loss. Let me point out here that I have been trying to lose weight for a while but have simply lacked the discipline to see it through. I didn’t want to put it down but the thought kept recurring. And with that came the accompanied thoughts of how fat I am, how much more confident I’ll be if I lose weight, how I’ll be more beautiful, more attractive, sexier and all of that till I took a decision and blocked them all out.

Who says I can’t be fat and confident, sexy,attractive, fun etc? I realized that I was exactly where society wanted me to be; in the position where I felt that being slim was the requirement for beauty. And I said no. No! No!! No!!!

I accept my body and I love it just as it is. Truthfully, the only way to get your dream body is by being confident in your current one and loving it the way it is so as you work to make it what you want, you do it right and love it even more. Take pride and confidence in your body; warts, stretch marks, flabs, pimples, bow legs, cellulite and all. 

So people, get that confidence on!!!

Maybe Third Time’s a Charm???

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Photo credit: hola.com via bellanaijaweddings

A lot of times, we are faced with challenges in different aspects of our lives; so much that we stop trying to get the desired outcome but settle for what comes easily enough and that we can ‘manage’.
Star actress, Eva Longoria, had been married and divorced twice, and for a lot of women, that would have been it. It would have just been chalked up to a “well, maybe love doesn’t come to those who believe it” situation, but not for Eva. She put it all behind her and forged ahead again.
For me, the ‘third time’ I’m writing of here does not literally signify a third time; it is a metaphor for every time you do not succeed at something. This simply means that it will be frustrating, tiring and downright exhausting when you keep getting it wrong but what matters is not the million times you missed it, but the lessons learnt along the way which lead up to the time you get it right for good. As someone said, the story is just as important as the glory in the end.
If Thomas Edison gave up after even as many as 900 times (at which point he must have needed the strength of God himself to go on), he would not have succeeded at the light bulb invention. But he persevered and in the end, he succeeded. According to him, ‘I didn’t fail 1,000 times; the light bulb was just an invention with 1,000 steps”.
We will all face all kinds and forms of doors in our faces, but what matters is the determination to persevere. Keep going and who knows, maybe ‘third time’s the charm?’

Abdullahi Olatoyan: Foolish Things that Confound the Wise

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It appears that the hard and fast age long success mantra of “go to school, get good grades, graduate, get a good job” is dealing with some delightful twists and turns along the way. But, just like most things in life, it all depends on perspective.
Not so long ago, celebrity photographer TY Bello, alongside other helpmates, took Nigerian breadseller Olajumoke Orisaguna, from the streets into the runway as chance brought her their way during the photo shoot of celebrity Tinnie Tempah which she photobombed gracefully enough to make tongues wag and in no time, she graduated from breadseller to first rate model with some enviable modelling contracts to her credit.

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Now, the tongue wagging story of the moment is that of elegantly dressed, suit wearing car windscreen cleaner, Abdullahi Olatoyan, a university dropout from Abeokuta in his thirties who cleans car windscreens for a living while keeping the dreams of completing his education and starting a business alive.

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Abdullahi was noticed by photographer Daniel Sync as he diligently went from car to car cleaning windscreens dressed in a bright polka dot suit and red bow tie, oblivious to the looks of drivers and pedestrians alike as he collected his money for many a windscreen well cleaned. Daniel, who was significantly impressed, took some pictures of Abdullahi which went viral on social media and caught the eye of Uche Nnaji, a Nigerian designer with menswear label, OUCH, who reposted the picture on his Instagram, offering Abdullahi a job with him alongside seven reasons why he deserved the job.
As we speak, Abdullahi is the proud holder of the position of ‘style doctor’ at OUCH where Uche Nnaji is willing to teach him the nitty gritty of styling people and making them look good as he feels that Abdullahi is “someone who likes to look good and can style others” and “someone that will work with a different mindset even if he’s doing the least popular job in the company”.

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Diligence really does pay, right? Also whoever said “looking good is good business” was absolutely, without a doubt in the world, right on every count.

Weddings!!! To Have and to Hold?

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Weddings, for most people, make for great celebration of the couple’s union with plenty of eating, drinking, singing, dancing and other enjoyable activities. However, for some, along with the celebration is the greedy expectation of expensive gifts and money, which when not met, is usually a complete downer.
Where am I headed? Some people focus too much attention on the gifts to be received at the wedding ceremony than the ceremony itself. These ones are usually the greedy people. I mean, I thought gifts were optional, just to honour the couple with.
Imagine this scenario, taken from real life events. A woman attended a wedding ceremony where the couple specifically asked for only cash gifts and as she didn’t have so much, she enveloped $145 and put it with the other gifts. Instead of appreciation, she got a message from the couple which read
“We were surprised that your contribution didn’t seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day. In view of your own position, if you wanted to send any adjustments, it will be thankfully received.”
The woman in question felt completely insulted and was also of the opinion that the ‘position’ they were referring to was the small inheritance she had recently come into. Ergo, the couple expected more money from her because of her new financial status.
I mean, I thought the gifts were at the discretion of the guests but this incident taught me better. So this got me thinking; was the wedding ceremony for celebration or for the gifts? Or is it now to ‘have’ and to ‘hold’? The guests are expected to ‘have’ which in turn facilitates the couple’s greedy expectations to ‘hold’. Hmmn. Now that the economy is in a whirlpool of its own, are weddings going to be another way of getting their cut of the national cake?

It’s 2016 and……

So this might be a weird post but hey it’s my blog right? Yeah…so, here goes.
Understandably, in a new year, there’s a lot people want to do to make the outcome of the year better than the year before. You know the drill; same actions, same outcomes, different actions, different outcomes. Yeah. So it is both human nature and a cliché that new year resolutions are formed. This year was no different. 2016 came and there were new year resolutions with everyone. Yeah, EVERYONE! Everyone but me.
Now, if you’re reading this and your left eyebrow goes questioningly, here’s the answer. Why? I don’t know. Not a great answer, but the truth, none the less. I just don’t know. I mean, I had a list of prayer points, things I wanted God to help me with – I still do – but not resolutions. I felt that was awkward, but was so borderline clueless as to why.
So it’s 2016, March 2016, and I’m slowly but steadily working through each day, spiritually and physically,  trying to achieve some basic things. I know the things I want, a little bit of how to get there and hopefully with everyday, things will get better.
It’s 2016 and I just want a better definition of myself and my life. My birthday’s in a bit and for the first time, I’m not looking forward to it.
It’s March 2016 and I’m still taking each day, one at a time, praying and hoping for results.
It’s 2016 and for anyone out there feeling this way I feel right now, remember, with God, all things are possible. I know that because that’s all the hope I’m holding on to too.
It’s March 2016. I know it’s coming late but to my precious people out there, happy new year.

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FOR THE LOVE OF YOU

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“And if by chance the special place that’d you’ve been dreaming of leads you to a lonely place, find your strength in love”, Whitney Houston sang. It’s beyond amazing what people will do, endure, how far they will go to find love with someone. They are so engrossed, consumed and obsessed with the idea of being in love with someone that they forget to love themselves. They forget that for you to love someone truly, you have got to love yourself wholly first. The love of every part of you; every good, bad, beautiful, ugly and even the parts you don’t know exist, is the first step to true love.
Now, I believe very strongly that when you love yourself, you will not go through hell and high waters to find love, love will find its way to you. Even the Holy Book says we should love our neighbours AS ourselves (not more than ourselves). So when you are in a relationship that you’ve given the best of yourself to and your partner starts to mistreat you, becomes unfaithful to you, does not communicate anymore, does not show you the love that you deserve, remember that you should love your in neighbour AS yourself.
You don’t deserve to suffer for the love that you have willingly chosen to share with someone. Even if your past sins were so grievous, as long as you’ve forgiven yourself and most importantly, God has forgiven you, NOBODY has any right whatsoever to judge you over what is past.
Don’t go through a bad relationship because you feel you do not deserve him but he still chose you. Don’t endure a fake relationship that lacks all the ingredients that makes a loving because you want to live up to society’s standards. Don’t settle for less than a love-filled fulfilled relationship because you feel that is your fate.
Remember, the fact that you are alone does not necessarily mean you are lonely so think about the love of you before you settle for less.

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